There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
