K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
