i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
