So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
