He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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