the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
