also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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