just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
