I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
