My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
People in love make me want to vomit
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
