we have pet lesbian snakes
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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