kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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