The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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