i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
