he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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