Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
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Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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