you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize