Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
