out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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