We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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