I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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