I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
