Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
