It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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