And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
