im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
