it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
