Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
