Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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