Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
