We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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