we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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