...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
