"it" just moved
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
