What did we do last night that was yellow?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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