Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
