some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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