The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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