yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
