You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
