Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My feet surprised me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
