I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
