Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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