so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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