At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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