we have pet lesbian snakes
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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