Your mouth is God's brothel.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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