Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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