So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
