If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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