remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
