What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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