don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
