her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
