The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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