I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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