i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
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Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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