Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
