Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can't turn off my feet"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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