Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
