jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
