She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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