Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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