I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
