I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
