He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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