i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
