Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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