fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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