Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
