well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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