Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
