Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm really busy with my period
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