Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
