Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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