Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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