She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
