We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
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I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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