i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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